Micromanage THIS!

One of my friends had a boss who on her first day with her new company tried to convince her to use a mouse with her laptop versus her touch pad because that's the way he did it.  He sort of made a big deal of it and she politely explained that the touch pad works well for her, that she had used it for a few years.  Fortunately, he didn't press the issue further, but it was a major red flag.  Can you guess what happened in the ensuing months on the job?  Yep, SERIOUS micromanagement. 

Wikipedia (god I love Wikipedia) describes micromanagement as "a management style where a manager closely observes or controls the work of his or her subordinates or employees."  Sound familiar? Hopefully, it just sounds familiar because you've heard others' woeful tales.  Although in reality I think a lot of us have dealt with a micromanager at one time or another. 

It would be funny if micromanager just meant very small manager.  Someone sitting atop your laptop screen watching your every move and critiquing the way you sipped your coffee.  If that were the case, I might like one of my very own, just for the novelty.  And if he happened to sprain his ankle because I jostled him off my screen, so be it.  Occupational hazard shortstuff; live with it.

Now that I think of it, I've actually had a very short micromanager before, but he was only around for a short time (snort).  He was quite the trifecta; short (major Napoleon complex), a micromanager, and outwardly chauvinistic....this little gnome didn't even try to hide it.  He ended up being terminated....given a very tiny pink slip and shown the door. Smell ya later troll.  Don't trip over that acorn in the parking lot on the way out to your sardine can mobile.

Anyhootananny, here's what I think we should do with our micromanagers.  I think of it as a decision tree with two main branches.  I think how you deal with a micromanager is directly related to your overall satisfaction with your position.  Meaning, if you like your job more than you dislike it, then we need to figure out a way to fix (not the right word, but let's use it for now) your manager.   You'll want to invest the mental energy is tweaking things because you want to stick around.  You love your company, your role, your colleagues, your commute, your workplace, the culture, the subsidized yoga class, massages, whatever it is,  but the only one thing that you don't like is your m&m (micromanager); its worth the effort.  If you're in the middle, you have to pick a branch and decide if you like it more than you dislike it, or the opposite. On the other end of the spectrum, if the m&m is just another turd on the shit pile that is your work life, then ignore it as much as you can.  Don't try to fix it because you are looking for a job and his/her micromanagement can be worked around until your burning rubber out of the parking lot.  Another option to add to the mix, is to stay with the same company and end up in a different role with a different manager, who does not micromanage. 

So, there are some shades of gray on the decision tree, but you need to pick a branch.  Are we staying or are we going?....and I would define going as "Are you going to have the same boss 12 months from now?"  If you are sticking around then we have a project on our hands.  If we're going, then IGNORE.....Have you ever seen the movie Office Space?.....Feel free to gut a fish in your cubicle or beat the hell out of the copier...I draw the line at suggesting you embezzle.

So, let's deal with the easy branch on our decision tree.  We're going.  We will not be in the same role one year from now.  We begin networking, working with a recruiter, updating our resume and marketing ourselves to companies that interest us.  Most importantly, when the m&m starts his/her bullshit, it goes in one ear and out the other.  A lot of nodding and smiling. "That's great input"; "Good idea!"  Yes, I'll try that"...You get the idea.

Next, the tough branch. We're staying, so we need to figure out how to fix it.  To do this I think its imperative to understand the drivers behind the micromanagement.  In my experience, m&ms flare up because they are desperate. You've heard the saying shit rolls down hill?  Middle managers are the biggest offenders because of this.  They get hit and pass it down the line.  Particularly sales managers whose success is quantifiable.   Therefore, the best way to redirect your m&m's energy is to subtly and gradually reassure them that you want them to look good and succeed.  You're a team player.  Your investment in your own success is naturally an investment in theirs.  You are self-motivated.  You assess your own performance and want to excel.  Now, if you aren't intrinsically motivated to do a good job, that's another blog.  I don't get it, but you have to fake it.  The best thing to do is to anticipate their micromanagement b.s. and beat them to the punch.  Identify the main themes around the micromanagement and be proactive.  For example, if your m&m harps on planning and time management, then put together a strategic plan for the upcoming year, half year , or quarter and run it by them for approval.  Also, get to work 10 minutes before them and stay until they leave.  NEVER be late to a meeting or conference call and politely let them off the hook when they are. Beat deadlines consistently. Turn in a project a week early and make sure its noticed.  Then, let THEIR words follow your actions.  "I really appreciate your input on my planning and time management skills over the past few months and have worked at improving in these areas.  I hope you've noticed"  Get him/her to list the things you've done.  Let them hear themselves tell you you're a success in these areas.  If they say it, then they are much more likely to believe it.  Your actions + Their words = Freedom. 

Nothing worth having comes easy.  You're going to have to work and be creative to release yourself from the shackles of micromanagement.  And its possible that the m&m has no idea how bad he/she is.  You may just find that's there's a great manager under there.

I'd love to hear your m&m tales and how you've dealt with them.

Until next time...

Dinner Time Crunch

So, I'm aware my posts may seem a bit schizophrenic.  I've done an intro, a bit about one's life purpose and now, not to be outdone, I'm going to talk turkey.  Not turkey, turkey, but close; dinner time tricks. 

No, my name isn't Cybil and I'm not trying to be Deepak Chopra AND Martha Stewart....I'm just undecided, remember? 

Actually, the way I envision this thing rolling is with various tabs or sections.  One about career, one about relationships, one about all things domestic, which will probably be mostly about cooking because its my favorite domestic activity.  And maybe a tab for haikus.  My bestie and I love to text haikus to one another. 5-7-5, that's how we roll, baby!  We're really, really cool as you've probably guessed.....but I digress.  So, for now at least, consider this the "domestics" tab.

My husband travels for work occasionally.  And sometimes he's gone for a few weeks.  So, its just me and Cinderella, womano-a-womano.  And as such, I've come up with some quick, but nutritious dinners.  A lot of my quickies are built around maximizing left overs.  One of my favorites is quesadillas. 

Here's what you need for Quickie Quesadillas:

one non-stick skillet
tortillas
any medley of veggies you'd like
left over chicken or pork
any shredded cheese you like
salsa; optional
one hungry fairy princess

I buy the smaller (I'm guessing 5-6'' in diameter) tortillas.  At my local grocery I find whole grain tortillas that have flax, which are really delicious.....and I'm not just saying they are delicious because they are wholesome and I'm trying to talk myself in to thinking they are yummy because I think I should like them.  They are actually very yummy.  One thing to know about me: I can't talk myself in to eating things that are suppose to be healthy or low calorie/fat because I think I should like them.  I've had the same jar of low fat in my fridge for at least six months.  Its absolutely awful.  Same thing for low fat cream cheese.  No thank you mam. If I'm in the mood for pulverized chalk on a bagel, I'll bust in to Cinderella's side walk chalk and skip counting the calories. barf. 

So back to the main event.  The first thing I do is prep my veggies to be added to the quesadilla. I like to use broccoli (fresh or frozen), onion, sweet pepper (red, orange, yellow) and carrot, but you can really do whatever you want.  I cut the broccoli in small florets.  Otherwise, the quesadilla will be overstuffed and difficult to manage.  I steam the broccoli in a covered and vented microwave-safe bowl in the microwave for a couple of minutes, with just a bit of water.  While those are going, do a quick saute on the onions and peppers.  I spray a non-stick skillet with Pam and add @1/2(ish) tablespoon of olive oil. . More precisely, one glug...I don't measure anything darlings.  I use medium heat throughout the entire process.  When the onion and peppers are softened, remove them from the pan and lay your bottom tortilla in the same skillet. Add one layer of shredded cheese.  I use mild cheddar or colby jack a lot.  Then add shredded or strips of left over chicken or pork.  This is a great way to ensure you don't waste any of the grocery rotisserie chicken you bought a couple of days ago.  Or, the pork tenderloin you made last night.  Top that with your melange of veggies.  This is when I use a carrot peeler to scrape strips of raw carrot on to the top of the veggies.  I love the crunch and sweetness they add.  If you're feeling wild, add a little salsa at this point.  Next, a little more cheese on top of the veggies.  The cheese melts and holds your top tortilla in place.  When your bottom layer of cheese is melted and the bottom tortilla is beginning to brown a bit, flip it over.  If you're using the small tortillas, a large spatula will do the trick.  Or, get crazy and try to flip it in the air like the chefs on The Food Network do.  Why the hell not, right?  Same deal on the other side; cheese melted and tortilla browned a bit.  Voila!  Dinner is served within 15 minutes.  No kidding kids. 

Now for my final trick.  Cut any left over quesadilla (you can always just make an extra like I do) in to cute little triangles and put in a container to be packed in tomorrow's school lunch.  Add an apple and a yogurt to that in the morning and lunch is served.

Enjoy my lovelies.

Leave No Stone Unturned

So the other day I was reading about an exercise that helps you identify your true purpose in life.  Not your next job, or even career choice.  It was about identifying something more encompassing than a good 401k match and stock options. It was about pinpointing your soul's desire.  The exercise suggested you take a blank piece of paper or computer screen, empty your head, no TV, radio, other people around, and start writing the first thing that comes to your head.  And continue to write even if you repeat words or get blocked for a few minutes.  The point was to just stick with it until you hit on something significant.  It could take up to an hour to arrive at your true purpose and you would know it when you write something that makes you cry.   

So, I did it.  I didn't do it more than 15 minutes because I started to nod off.  It was late.  And I didn't cry when I typed any of the phrases.  So, technically, I didn't carry out the exercise as inteneded, but I wanted to share what I typed.  The only change I made is my daughter's name.  I changed it to "Cinderella" because she claims to be Cinderella, daily.  And I'm not ready to share her name.

I recommend everyone try this, and try to stick with it longer than I did.  Please share any major revelations. I'd love to hear about them.  Some may think this sort of thing is corny, but I think there's something to be said for removing the mental clutter and expressing whatever sufaces.  I admire people who can do this.

Here's my list:

What is my true purpose in life?

To write

To parent

To succeed

To coach

To help

To work

To struggle

To dance

 To express myself

To keep trying

To persist

To learn to trust myself

To not 2^nd guess myself

To forge ahead

To buy shoes

To be a great friend

To take care of my mom

To be a good daughter

To be Cinderella’s mommy

To seek approval

To STOP seeking approval

To lead

To follow

To take a risk

To push forward

To sleep more

To build good memories

To lead

To speak to an audience

To share myself

To keep trying

To be unsure

To be okay with being unsure

To remain hopeful

To hug

To show love

To be loved

To learn to quiet my mind

To be contemplative

To know God

To trust God

To be lead

To open my soul

To explore

To travel

To make a home

To comfort

To create

To paint rooms

Fill them with furniture

Create beauty in my home life

To remain engaged

To cook

To nourish my family

To be okay with nothing

To build wealth

To grow something

To nurture life

To breastfeed

To help Cinderella grow

Life Lessons from a 40 year old gal who has yet to decide her major

Life lessons. That's pretty lofty. Perhaps I should have aimed lower. Nonetheless, here we are. The three of us.  I hope the two of you who will read this will take away at least one practical tip, dare I say a life lesson.

I suppose there are a few things you should know about me right from the gittyup.  I'm a 40 year old woman, from the Midwest, transplanted to the East Coast, married, one child, full-time employment (we'll drill down on that dry well later), and I abuse commas and semicolons.  You're just gonna have to get used to it; I love the little suckers. Oh!...and I think most would categorize me as sarcastic.  As I write that word (sarcastic), it made me realize how little I use my sarcasm out loud in my daily world. I think I'm more sarcastic when I write and certainly very sarcastic in my head. I don't use sarcasm in my professional setting and it's not that useful in parenting and maintaining a healthy marriage. So, it may be more accurate to say I aspire to be more outwardly sarcastic....look at me, aiming high again. 

So here's the deal.  You could say I'm a late bloomer, at least when it comes to major adult-life rites of passage.  I got married when I was 35 and had a child when I was a couple weeks shy of turning 37.  By most standards, or at least the Midwestern standards with which I am most closely acquainted, that's showing up a little late to the party. 

And I'm tragically late when it comes to declaring a major.  No kidding, my major was officially "undecided" when I entered the venerable Ohio University in 1988.  (I'm gripping my keyboard at the moment in an attempt not to launch on an OU pride tangent, which I will resist, but buckle your seatbelts for a trip down Bobcat memory lane in the not-too-distant future.) Before or during the beginning of my sophomore year, however, I declared "advertising" in the school of journalism my major.  And I'm glad I did.  Mainly because I don't believe in regrets and can't think of anything else that would have suited my innate interests and inclinations better.  BUT! I'm not working as an advertising executive, media planner, creative director, etc. And during my senior year I decided I wanted to be a therapist (do I hear stifled giggles out there?)...Anyhoot, I ended up earning an MA Psychology and guess what!!?  I'm not a therapist either. Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone all the way....it was the damn research and statistics, unavoidable. Not to mention the cost. Geezlouweez

And it's not really about declaring a major because I suppose I've declared a few in my 16 years of full-time work experience.  It's really more about sticking to and "living" that major. It's a major decision (pun fully intended)

I can't help but think of Oprah's advice to discover what you love to do and just do it, and the success and money will come.  Easier said than done Miss O, but I must say I've had some good times trying to figure it out...And that's where you and this come in.  It just struck me that I should come up with a mission statement of sorts for this blog, but informally and right now, I'm going to try to share some of myself.  Mainly my identity as a woman with an evolving career; someone seeking a profession or vocation to be passionate about; my identity as a working mom, a wife, a daughter and a friend.  My identity has shifted significantly since becoming a mother and, as corny as it sounds, I think I'm a path to rediscovering myself.  What I'm really hoping is that I'll figure out how to offer some REAL value to anyone who finds their way to this.  That's going to be the challenge. Delivering the goods......But, the good news is that that's one thing I consistently like; new challenges. Because every time you switch your major, you've introduced a new challenge...So, game on.....